Birthday

GU118 Tarzan Party

FRONT: Every year Tarzan's birthday party would start out pleasantly, but then one of the guests would start throwing feces...

INSIDE: Happy Birthday. Keep it clean.

Birthday

GU120 Mary Lamb

FRONT: Mary had a mid-life crisis...-So, after I got my master's, I said, "Well, I'll just do this sheep thing for 6 months or a year until I decide where to specialize. 'But that was 8 years ago! And the lint...

INSIDE: Hope your birthday is a great success.

Birthday

GU123 Juice Boxes

FRONT: After dropping the kids off, Cynthia and some of the other moms celebrated her birthday with juice boxes and scotch.

INSIDE: Have a wild time on your birthday.

Birthday

GU124 Dough Man

FRONT: Herb had to face it: He just didn't feel that fresh anymore, and his popping days were well behind him.

INSIDE: Hope your birthday cooks.

Birthday

GU125 Tooth Fairy

FRONT: James learned that the fairy who'd bought his teeth for 25 cents each years ago was now going to sell them back at a huge markup. Now Jimmy-er, I mean, Mr. Johnson-I'm afraid this work is going to run about sixteen hundred dollars. Oh, and did I mention that's per quadrant?

INSIDE: Hope your birthday gives you plenty of reasons to smile.

Birthday

GU126 Fallen Tree

FRONT: Howard experiencd a senior moment and a zen moment simultaneously...Help! I've fallen and I can't get-...you know, I don't think anyone can even hear me.

INSIDE: Stand tall on your Birthday.

Birthday

GU127 Super Hero

FRONT: Linda Lovely was just an ordinary person until an incredible birthday transformed her into a super hero. It could turn cold, You should take a sweater.

INSIDE: Happy Birthday. Sidekick not included.

Birthday

GU128 Old Smell

FRONT: Hey! Don't take it so hard, man! You're only as old as you smell!

INSIDE: You're as fetching as ever. Happy Birthday.

Birthday

GU129 Tunnel Stories

FRONT: Tunnel of long, boring pointless stories. Your pants must be this high to go on this ride

INSIDE: Happy Birthday. Tell us again about the old days.

Birthday

GU130 Relaxed Fit

FRONT: Bruce did his best to carry on with the rock & roll lifestyle...Do you, like, have these leather pants in relaxed fit?

INSIDE: Like, totally Happy Birthday.

Birthday

GU131 Pinatas

FRONT: Some of the Pinatas started to get suspicious...They keep telling us, "you're going to a birthday party," but we don't even know anyone there!

INSIDE: Have a swinging birthday.

Birthday

GU132 Dryer Advances

FRONT: Bob finds just the right amount of denial. It takes less & less time to dry my hair. Boy-how much more advanced are hair dryer going to get?

INSIDE: Happy Birthday. Don't stop believing.

Birthday

GU134 One to Grow On

FRONT: Birthday celebration for today's busy professional... Ms. Gleason, could you please come in and give me one to grow on?

INSIDE: Have a cracking good birthday.

Birthday

GU135 Find the Glass

FRONT: Ed had reached an age where it was no longer a question of whether the glass was half empty or half full. He was just trying to remember where he left the glass.

INSIDE: Hope this card finds you having a happy birthday.

Birthday

GU136 Culled from Herd

FRONT: The only possible explanation: Upon reaching a certain age, Lance had been culled from the herd... I swear-I woke up naked, 300 miles away, with a dart sticking out of my ass, and I have no idea how I got here!

INSIDE: Have a happy birthday, and be sure to carry some mad money.

Birthday

GU141 Cave Grow Up

FRONT: Them grow up so fast...

INSIDE: You've evolved quite nicely. Happy Birthday.

Birthday

GU142 Cowboy Astronaut

FRONT: Now that we've reached a certain age and place in life, we've decided to pursue our original passions. So-I'm studying to become a ballerina-princess, and Kyle is goint to be a cowboy-astronaut.

INSIDE: Hope this is the year all those birthday wishes come true.

Birthday

GU143 Answer Bottle

FRONT: Another Birthday, and again Diane looked for the answer in a bottle... You heard me! Spiced Chestnut No. 9631 and keep it coming!!

INSIDE: Have a birthday to dye for.

Birthday

GU148 Fingerling

FRONT: Awkward years for salmon It's hard to get girls to take you seriously when everyone calls you a "Fingerling"

INSIDE: You've developed nicely. Happy Birthday.

Birthday

GU153 Pattern Baldness

FRONT: Pierre had endured their taunts for years, but one day he broke down and came clean. If you must know the truth, it's actually male pattern baldness

INSIDE: You've still got it where it counts. Happy Birthday.

Birthday

GU154 Kong Parking

FRONT: It had been a lovely Birthday dinner, but the evening was about to take a bad turn... Oh, honey, I can't see where we parked either.

INSIDE: Happy Birthday. Don't let things get out of hand.

Birthday

GU155 Partridge Family

FRONT: Yet another Birthday rolled around for Herb, but now, at last, his priorities were clear...Effective today, I am resiging my position in order to spend more time with The Partridge Family

INSIDE: Come on, get Happy Birthday.

Birthday

GU156 Blow Me

FRONT: As Bert got on in years, his wife started to leave helpful reminder notes around the house, some of them, though, he just didn't care for.

INSIDE: Don't forget to have a Happy Birthday.

Birthday

GU160 Break Room

FRONT: When you guys finish, there's cake in the break room for Michelle's birthday.

INSIDE: Everybody's celebrating. Happy Birthday.

Birthday

GU161 Fast Food

FRONT: I'm gettin too old. Gotta cut out fast food

INSIDE: Hurry up and have a Happy Birthday.

Birthday

GU162 Hot Flashes

FRONT: Zilla had always been a placid soul, but when the hot flashes began, she found herself getting a bit cranky

INSIDE: You look radiant. Happy Birthday.

Birthday

GU163 Jowlistan

FRONT: Jerry had become accustomed to time redrawing the map of his face, but now he was forced to deal with the breakaway republic of jowl-istan.

INSIDE: Viva la revolución and Happy Birthday.

Birthday

GU164 Dorian Gray

FRONT: The Yearbook Picture of Dorian Gray

INSIDE: U R 2 Cool 2 B 2 Old. Happy Birthday.

Birthday

GU166 Glass a Day

FRONT: After learning the health benefits of drinking a glass of wine a day, Francine suddenly realized she had to catch up for the first 21 years of her life.

INSIDE: Looks like you're going to live forever. Happy Birthday

Birthday

GU167 Suck Stomach

FRONT: After a lifetime of sucking in his stomach whenever he saw a beautiful woman, one day Dave dislocated his belly button up between his shoulder blades.

INSIDE: Happy Birthday. You’re in great shape for your age. It’s just a new shape, that’s all.

Birthday

GU168 DMV

FRONT: It had been a full life, but Al still wanted his remaining days to last as long as possible. So he moved into the Department of Motor Vehicles.

INSIDE: I've been waiting and waiting for your birthday. Let's celebrate.

Birthday

GU169 Birthday Horror

FRONT: TRUE TALES OF BIRTHDAY HORROR Envious friends had always said Margaret had the skin of a 15-year old girl. Then, one day, that girl...WANTED HER SKIN BACK! Also: the Regifter! My Twin Stole My Birthday! I Only Got A Card!

INSIDE: It's frightening how good you look. Happy Birthday

Birthday

GU170 Magical Cake

FRONT: And then, deep in the forest, the princess came across a magical birthday cake! For not only was it delicious, but each bite she ate went straight to the hips of that stuck-up girl who made fun of her outfit in the eighth grade.

INSIDE: Happy Birthday. May all your wishes come true. I think.

Birthday

GU171 Aging Mullet

FRONT: The many years had been hard on Dave's mullet. Yes, there was still a party in the back, but the business up front had lost it's lease.

INSIDE: You're still takin' care of business. Happy Birthday

Get Well

GU139 Bug Going Around

FRONT: Dude-It's that bug that's been going around.

INSIDE: Hope you're back on top again soon.

Get Well

GU140 Humpty Fall

FRONT: Yeah, I'm gonna need more horses and more men here...You better send all of them. 'whisper'..and send the king's sous chef, too. Just in case.

INSIDE: Keep your sunnyside up, and get well soon.

Baby

GU146 Subscription Card

FRONT: Man, do I ever hate these subscription cards.

INSIDE: Congratulations on the new issue.

New Home

GU147 Jester Hookup

FRONT: At the new castle... Verily, not much broketh during the move. But now I must waiteth all day for the guy to come hook the jester up.

INSIDE: Enjoyeth thy new abode.

Friendship

GU144 Cat Taste

FRONT: You know, we do this all day long, and I don't even really like the flavor.

INSIDE: You, on the other hand, are a person of great taste.

Friendship

GU145 Dog and Cat Cards

FRONT: Dog & Cat Greeting Cards..I smelled a dead squirrel lying in poop today, and when I rolled in it, I thought of you. As I lay in the perfect sunbeam today, my mind went back to those happy days gone by, and I thought of me.

INSIDE: I won't get into what I was doing, but I was thinking about you.

Love

GU172 Let's Cluck

FRONT: What do you say we get out of here and go somewhere and cluck?

INSIDE: I'm open to suggestions.

Love

GU173 Pig Latin

FRONT: ISS-KAY EE-MAY, OU-YAY OOL-FAY.

INSIDE: You make me squeal.

Love

GU174 Dog Love

FRONT: I really think Scruffy could be the one! We both love seafood, taking long walks, and rolling in poo!

INSIDE: I feel the magic.

Thank You

GU152 Give Back

FRONT: I feel the need to give back to the community

INSIDE: Thank you.