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Birthday AA0102 Beer Granny FRONT: “Get your friggin' hands off me fool... INSIDE: ...it'll be a cold day in hell when I can't hold my liquor!” |
Birthday AA0104 Big Hats FRONT: “OK, when we get home to our husbands, act nonchalant like we didn't buy anything new today... INSIDE: ...maybe they won't notice!” Happy Birthday! |
Birthday AA0111 Wal-Mart Greeter FRONT: “Hi... INSIDE: ...welcome to Wal-Mart!” Happy Birthday! |
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Birthday AA0108 Loose Ends FRONT: “Why yes Jan, I'd love to meet you for happy hour... INSIDE: ...just as soon as I tie up some loose ends with the kids!” Happy Birthday |
Birthday AA0107 Hula Hoop FRONT: What do you call a middle-aged woman out in the yard with a hula hoop? INSIDE: A water sprinkler! Happy Birthday |
Birthday AA0100 Bagheads FRONT: It was all fun ‘n' games… INSIDE: …until paper turned to plastic! Happy Birthday! |
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Birthday AA0065 Dirty Dicks FRONT: Trendy or not… INSIDE: …that new nightspot left a bad taste in Elaine's mouth. Happy Birthday! |
Birthday AA0063 Hey Lenny FRONT: Hey Lenny! INSIDE: Does my butt make this lake look small? Happy Birthday! |
Birthday AA0085 Patsy FRONT: Good old Patsy— INSIDE: Inside: …and drunk on her ass! |
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Birthday AA0062 Table Dancer FRONT: Remember your last birthday party? INSIDE: I didn't think so. Perhaps you bumped your head when you fell off the table. Happy Birthday wild woman! |
Birthday AA0086 YMCA FRONT: By noon, the girls were so plastered… INSIDE: …that they couldn't remember the words to YMCA! Happy Birthday from the Village Idiots! |
Birthday AA0054 Snodgrass FRONT: Elaine vowed to be the first Snodgrass… INSIDE: …to marry outside the |
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Birthday AA0072 Arnie FRONT: “Squirt harder Arnie!” INSIDE: The girls getting |
Birthday AA0059 Trailer Mom FRONT: “Hey, you kids get your butts over here INSIDE: “Help Daddy sling some more tires on the roof! It's fixin' to storm!” Ah, the bittersweet |
Birthday AA0056 Norvil FRONT: Cousin Lucy had a way with animals. Her brother Norvilk... INSIDE: …had his way with them too. Happy Birthday! |
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Birthday AA0068 That Marge FRONT: That Marge! Six kids, PTA, Brownies, carpool… INSIDE: How DOES she do it??? Happy Birthday! |
Birthday AA0067 Crazy Mommy FRONT: Kids, Mommy's going away for awhile. If you get hungry… INSIDE: …Daddy's in the fridge. Happy Birthday! |
Birthday AA0018 Marilyn FRONT: Marilyn, alive and well and still up to her old shenanigans. INSIDE: Never say die! Happy Birthday! |
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Birthday AA0095 Flipper FRONT: Warning: If your erection lasts more than four hours… INSIDE: …(or weighs more than Flipper) seek medical attention |
Birthday AA0096 Laverne FRONT: “Laverne, get up off your drunken ass and go start your bus… INSIDE: …school lets out in an hour!” Happy Birthday! |
Birthday AA0097 Bertha FRONT: “Put your suit back on Bertha… INSIDE: … they don't call it SKINNY dipping just for the hell of it!” Happy Birthday! |
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Birthday AA0098 Ballet FRONT: Screw ballet! INSIDE: Those table-dancing |
Birthday AA0024 Punk FRONT: The consequences of INSIDE: I'll spare you the chainsaw version. Happy Birthday! |
Birthday AA0045 Real Mom FRONT: Your father fooled around a lot in those days… INSIDE: …that's why we're not sure who your real mother is. Happy Birthday! |
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Birthday AA0039 Hypo Cat FRONT: “I've got furballs the size of hamsters. Catnip gives me a rash. INSIDE: Happy birthday from the Hypochondricat! |
Birthday AA0101 Penis Party FRONT: Mommy wanted me to have a “Princess” party… INSIDE: …but I chose “Penis” instead! Happy Birthday! |
Birthday AA0055 Birth Mom FRONT: There's good news and bad news… INSIDE: …the bad news is that you're adopted. The good news is that we've found your birth mother! Happy Birthday! |
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Birthday AA0057 Rumor FRONT: Rumor has it… INSIDE: …this was neither the first nor the longest train she'd ever pulled. Happy Birthday! |
Birthday AA0022 Tweetee FRONT: Although a somewhat less lucrative profession… INSIDE: Tweetee chose dentistry over proctology and never looked back! Hugs ‘n' Kisses from Tweetee on your Birthday! |
Birthday AA0049 Pottymouth FRONT: Da da da dammit… INSIDE: Early potty-mouth training. Hap hap happy Bir bir birthday |
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Birthday AA0090 Agnes FRONT: In the evenings, Agnes peddled her big, juicy melons at a stand on the corner… INSIDE: …because that's what |
Birthday AA0091 Howard FRONT: “Oh Howard, you know just what a woman wants… INSIDE: …now hand over your paycheck, go raise the kids, and leave me the hell alone!” Happy Birthday! |
Birthday AA0042 Baby Louie FRONT: Already a bit on the chubby side, Baby Louie's weight seemed to double overnight… INSIDE: …following the mysterious disappearance of his twin. Happy Birthday! |
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Birthday AA0036 Warren FRONT: Grandmother, Mother, INSIDE: …and the bush they forbid him to beat around. Happy Birthday |
Birthday AA0069 DNA FRONT: “Kids, I tried to get your Daddy to take that there DNA test… INSIDE: …but he said he wasn't takin' no test he can't even spell!” Happy Birthday! |
Birthday AA0081 Albert Jr. FRONT: “Darling, if it's OK with you, I'd like to name him Albert Jr.... INSIDE: …after that hot guy down the street you bet me was gay.” Happy Birthday! |
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Birthday AA0011 Jumpsuit FRONT: Elvis has left the jumpsuit. INSIDE: It's your birthday! Encore all night long! |
Birthday AA0079 Training Bra FRONT: Take it from us sister, men are like training bras… INSIDE: …you put ‘em in line one boob at a time! Happy Birthday! |
Birthday AA0030 Puss FRONT: Puss didn't seem to mind so much that she put words in his mouth... INSIDE: ...rather, it was the hand up the butt that proved a bit intrusive. Happy Birthday! |
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Birthday AA0058 Miss Personality FRONT: It was just a consolation award really... INSIDE: ...”Miss Spookface” wasn't an option! Happy Birthday! |
Birthday AA0021 Glenn FRONT: Glenn knew it wasn't polite to stare… INSIDE: ...it was just that Maureen had a peanut lodged between her breasts and he so wanted to retrieve it. Happy Birthday!!! |
Birthday AA0035 Stumbles FRONT: It was common INSIDE: …that it was time to stop babying the little bastard and practice some “tough love.” Happy Birthday! |
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Birthday AA0040 Franky FRONT: Everyone agreed that Frank, the eldest child, had his grandpa's eyes… INSIDE: …and Granny's head, cousin Willy's elbows, Uncle Bill's bladder, Aunt Sadie's kneecaps… Happy Birthday! |
Birthday AA0026 Eclipse FRONT: Not a holiday went by that the Cains didn't put on their INSIDE: A solar eclipse was no |
Birthday AA0061 Dollface FRONT: Listen Dollface—Don't forget to take the trash out… INSIDE: …but don't even THINK about marrying it! Happy Birthday from a well-meaning friend! |
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Birthday AA0023 Stella FRONT: Still on parole for arson, the family now had second thoughts about trusting Stella with the birthday celebration. INSIDE: She'll be at your place at six with a nice big devil's food flambeau. Happy Birthday! |
Birthday AA0064 S/W/M FRONT: S/W/M billionaire seeks ugly, flat-chested fat chick. Kids a plus! INSIDE: It could happen. Happy Birthday! |
Birthday AA0071 Ladies Room FRONT: “Get outta there now lady or I swear I'm gonna huff and puff and… INSIDE: …blow your ass right off the toilet!” (Ethel had to go real bad.) Happy Birthday! |
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Birthday AA0014 Schunnels FRONT: Dis fun Schunnel family… INSIDE: wants to share their joy on your birthday. Have a special one! |
Birthday AA0001 Marvin FRONT: What happened when the family took their eyes off Marvin. INSIDE: It's your birthday! Raise a ruckus! Let your inner Marvin be free! |
Birthday AA0066 Lisa FRONT: “Looking straight ahead visitors, we find the famous… INSIDE: …Leaning Tower of Lisa!” Happy Birthday! |
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Birthday AA0070 Earl FRONT: Remember that time Earl bet us we couldn't blow that beer can off his head without hittin' him? INSIDE: I sure do miss him. |
Anniversary AA0060 Boogie Babies FRONT: Remember when we first met… INSIDE: …how we'd sneak off to your crib and potty all night long! Happy Anniversary Boogie Baby! |
Congratulations AA0077 Bambi FRONT: Hey Bambi… INSIDE: …how'd ya get that big promotion? |
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All Occasion AA0109 Me Time FRONT: “Sweetie, Mommy needs some 'me time' so be a good little girl and... INSIDE: ...go drive yourself to kindergarten!” |
All Occasion AA0110 Ventriloquist FRONT: So I sez to him, “What am I, a freakin' ventriloquist???” INSIDE: “I can't talk dirty to ya AND give ya a blow job!” |
All Occasion AA0106 Family Reunion FRONT: When mental institutions take patients out for the day, they call it a “field trip”... INSIDE: ...our family calls it a reunion! |
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All Occasion AA0105 Deer Camp FRONT: “Bob, don't forget... INSIDE: ...what happens at deer camp STAYS at deer camp!” |
All Occasion AA0103 Big Feet FRONT: “So, if it's true what they say about men with big feet... INSIDE: ...why don't more women marry clowns?” |
Just for Fun AA0041 Mom Called FRONT: Mom called… INSIDE: …she said for you to get your butt home before Grandma misses her panties! |
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Just for Fun AA0025 Bad Bras FRONT: When bad bras happen to good girls. INSIDE: Be careful with those things! You could poke an eye out! |
Just for Fun AA0078 Violet FRONT: Try as she might… INSIDE: …Violet just couldn't |
Just for Fun AA0048 Becky FRONT: Think Becky think! INSIDE: Where did you leave the baby!?! |
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Just for Fun AA0032 Hoedown FRONT: Ah, the good ole days back when a hoedown meant more… INSIDE: …than just another clumsy hooker. |
Just for Fun AA0089 Hole FRONT: “Mine's bigger.” “Mine's broader.” “Mine has more cellulite.” INSIDE: Apparently the girls DID know their ass from a hole in the ground! |
Just for Fun AA0099 Judy FRONT: “Listen Judy, now see if you can find my glasses… INSIDE: …I know I had ‘em on when I stuck my head up there!” |
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Just for Fun AA0092 Precious FRONT: “Speak Precious speak!” INSIDE: “Die Bitch die!” |
Just for Fun AA0046 Strangler Bobby FRONT: I guess part of me wanted to believe… INSIDE: …that Bobby wouldn't strangle and mutilate me like he had all those other girls. |
Just for Fun AA0093 Janie FRONT: Teacher teacher I declare, INSIDE: …a bigger slut now than she was back then! |
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Just for Fun AA0084 Sid FRONT: Later that evening... INSIDE: ...Sid's hairpiece got sucked into the Jacuzzi, bringing the orgy to a screeching halt! |
Just for Fun AA0094 Toast FRONT: A Toast to Friendship: INSIDE: …so we can still be |
Just for Fun AA0052 Taxidermy FRONT: Grandma looks so INSIDE: …we all thought the |
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Just for Fun AA0082 Alice FRONT: Tell me the truth Alice… INSIDE: …does this outfit make me look desperate? |
Just for Fun AA0073 Farmgirl FRONT: “But Pa, all the other farmgirls… INSIDE: …are gettin' boob jobs for wheat harvest!” |
Just for Fun AA0003 Whiskers FRONT: Made a buffoon Whiskers vowed revenge. INSIDE: Something involving |
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Just for Fun AA0088 Nadine FRONT: “$80,000 RV, 2000 miles of Nadine's bitchin' & moanin'… INSIDE: …4 rock heads.” Somebody shoot me! |
Just for Fun AA0083 Darlene FRONT: Dammit Darlene! INSIDE: Did you flush your dead fish down the toilet again!?! |
Just for Fun AA0080 Lawnboy FRONT: Honey… INSIDE: …have you noticed anything unusual about the lawnboy??? |
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Just for Fun AA0087 Twister FRONT: “For crying out loud you guys! What's a girl gotta do to get some action around here?” INSIDE: “Draw you a target?!” |
Just for Fun AA0034 Mary FRONT: Mary had a little stick, its bark was brown as dirt. She took it everywhere she went… INSIDE: …to beat the buzzards off. |
Just for Fun AA0033 Betsy FRONT: If Ma hadn't blowed his head off Betsy would've... INSIDE: …they both had to pee and Pa damn well knew it! |
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Just for Fun AA0074 Miss Thornbush FRONT: Jeepers Miss Thornbush, how come you're so sore? All I said was… INSIDE: …can I come over and see the Beaver when you get your big new set! |
Just for Fun AA0075 Ex-wife FRONT: “How was I to know my husband's ex-wife couldn't swim… INSIDE: …when I tied her to that concrete slab and tossed her off the bridge!” |
Just for Fun AA0047 Deer Diary FRONT: Deer Diary, Today Clarence and I were shot and gutted by a pretty man in a skirt. INSIDE: All dignity is lost. |
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Just for Fun AA0043 Witness Protection FRONT: Although his wife put up a good front… INSIDE: Mr. “L” could sense that she and little Scotty were growing weary of this witness protection thing. |
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